John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
