My nipple is on Facebook.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Let's get the cat blown out
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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