im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
