we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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