Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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