called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
