Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
