Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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