She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
