guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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