i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
