she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
