Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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