i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
