I accidentally burped into my bong.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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