Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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