babies were throwing up all over the place
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
