I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
