People in love make me want to vomit
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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