He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
