haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
