I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So much rum. So many feels.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
