I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
