I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
