my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
