Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
