Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
