i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
