I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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