Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
