fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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