It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
