just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He? As in you personified your dick?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How naked do you want me to be?
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