So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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