she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
