I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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