I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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