If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
