According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
