I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
