Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
