we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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