Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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