"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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