i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
