I must be too annoying 4 u.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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