You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
