i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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