Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
