I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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