I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
