Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
