I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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