Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
