Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
