I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
