we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
