From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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