Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I need water and some morals
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
dude. I can hear the air.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
