can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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