the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
