I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i think my tv is drunk
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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