he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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