i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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