my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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