I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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