Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
