I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
