That's intense
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize