Whatcha textin bout Willis?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
