you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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