those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
