Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize