I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
