There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
