I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
