so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
