Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
